I am noticing a pattern in the nature of my thought process, a pattern that is as old as time itself.
My moods seem to be more affected by the movement of the Earth than I had previously thought, I find that during the day, with the sunlight coming down on me, I tend to have a more positive out look, an understanding that I am OK with myself. Don't get me wrong the loneliness is still there, but I lack the social awkwardness and introverted side of myself that the night truly brings out in me.
Is it as simple as during the day I am occupying my time, surrounded by people too busy to sink into the Perversity of Solitude I spoke about yesterday?
Or is it a more natural thing? As I am affected by the light and seasons as the plants and animals around me? Like an orchid that opens proud and bright in the day, only to close up and wither at night.
By this logic, would people closer to the equator lead happier lives based purely on the fact that they see more sunlight than I do? I don't know, but I do know depression and suicide rates are amongst the highest in Scandinavia, where at times they have 24hrs of darkness.
This gives me a hope, that in the depths of night, if I can just make it through, if I can just push on until the sun rises, somehow, things will find a way to be OK again?
Nature is a mightier Goddess than I previously believed.